I cannot find my penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She just used a chaser for red wine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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