I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
