I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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