I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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