my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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