So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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