Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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