Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
