just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
