How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
