i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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