I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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