I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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