I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
