Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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