that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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