I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
