I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
