My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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