Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
