I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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