From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
