He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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