dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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