i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
