u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize