I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
