I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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