you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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