i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
