She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
