***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
