we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
