Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
