Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
