how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
