Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
