Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize