question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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