if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize