I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
