If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
