i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
