me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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