im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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