remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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