So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize