he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
