those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
sex in a hospital.. check
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
