Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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