I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
