Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
