in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
