I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
