im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
