just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it glows. i had to have it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
