omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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