Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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