there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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