He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
