i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
