Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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