i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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