We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
