I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
