shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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